Did I Stutter? yes, actually.

Well, I just g-g-g-o up and kn-kn-knock on the door. And when the person opens the d-d-d-d-or, I say, "Hi. My name is B-B-B-B-B-B-Billy. I'm a B-B-B-B-B-Bible salesman. W-W-W-W-W-W-W-ould you l-l-l-l-l-like to b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-buy a B-B-B-B-B-B-Bible or would you l-l-l-l-like me to r-r-r-r-r-r-rread it to you.

Dear Friend,

I remember the first time you said something. We were in the car on our way to supper as couples. You were talking about your work as a speech therapist. I couldn't wait to contribute. "I used to go to speech therapy." To which you politely replied, "I know. I can tell." and listed the four things they worked on back then. Funny. I thought I had gotten over all that or gotten past it. At the time I was speaking for a living. But there in the car, you called me out. I know that wasn't your intent. But it happened.

At some level, from early on, I learned to hide the parts of me that I didn't like. Stuttering was one of those things. Think quickly. Breathe. Don't try to say certain words. Pause. When it feels like it's happening, quickly chose a different word. Move. Talk quickly so I don't have time to think. You'd be surprised how effective those things are. The problem? Still the problem. The coping mechanisms? Able to keep the problem on pause. That's the way coping mechanisms work. Not at all, really.

Even one of my two favorite jokes was, at the end of the day, about me. And I joked that I could tell the joke because I was part of the protected class, just like I could tell jokes about fat balding men. Want to hear it? I still love it. Top two, of all time.

Once there was a young man named Billy. And Billy was a great kid. But Billy was having a terrible time getting a job. Because Billy had one of the worst stutters you'll ever hear. Every company that Billy applied to loved his resume. But the interviews didn't go well.

Billy was beside himself. Finally he happened into the last business on his list. And as the manager sat across the table from Billy, he had no idea what he was going to do. Because there was no way Billy was going to work out in his business. But to kick Billy to the curb didn't seem right, either. So the manager came up with a new proposal.

All right, Billy. We sell Bibles here, door to door. I can't afford to spend money on a salary for you here, so I'm going to put you on straight commission, at the same rate as are most senior salesmen. Grab a box of Bibles, and head on out. Good luck.

And frankly, the manager never expected to have to pay Billy a dime. And he figured he probably wouldn't see him again.

At the end of the week, Billy had sold as many Bibles as most new salesman sold in their first month. By the end of the second week, he was setting company records. By the end of his first month, Billy had officially sold more Bibles than all the other salesmen combined.

So the manager called Billy back into his office. "I honestly thought the first week that maybe you had a large family and you'd sold a Bible to each of your relatives. But this is incredible. We've never seem anything like it in the history of the company. We want to get you into seminars and teach all our the rest of our sales force your secret! But please. I can't wait. I just have to know how you're doing it. To which Billy responded.

Well, I just g-g-g-o up and kn-kn-knock on the door. And when the person opens the d-d-d-d-door, I say, "Hi. My name is B-B-B-B-B-B-Billy. I'm a B-B-B-B-B-Bible salesman. W-W-W-W-W-W-W-would you l-l-l-l-l-like to b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-buy a B-B-B-B-B-B-Bible or would you l-l-l-l-like me to r-r-r-r-r-r-read it to you.

Yeah. I know. Classic. You know what else is classic, but not in a good way? I've spent 50 years of my life turning my weakness into a joke. I think far too many of us do that far too much. Thank God that I ran into a young man with a lot more courage than me. Because he stutters, too. But he doesn't hide it. He just goes on. And that's beautiful. I want to be like him when I grow up.

thus spake,

me.

You might not know this about me. Once upon a time I had all kinds of speech problems. One of my friends worked