Dishonest Marketing

Okay. I got sucked in. The Bride and I are staying in the Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island. Sure, we went for a murder mystery. They were planning on 100. And got 400. Which is now four hundred minus two. "Coming here and for this and then not going seems almost naughty." Sometimes even now, I think I might have married Lisa Simpson. So here I sit on an island, surrounded by an island in Lake Huron. I know. Mackinac Island is in Michigan in Huron. Prepositions are so confusing.

No, we didn't get sucked into the murder mystery weekend. At least not permanently. I knew I was in the wrong place when an army of enthusiastic people all clothed in period dress where attacking the appetizer table like doomsday-preppers in the final hours. The polite Hebrew word for this crowd is Lo Ammi, which means "not my people." Times two. Turns out they're not the bride's people, either, but if you think I can remember the Hebrew for "two" think again. And you know I know I'm not always polite, especially when exhausted. I'd tend to use the "A" word, the "B" word, the "C" word, the "D" word, or the "F" word for many of them. Strange how there's no E word yet. LOL. Don't think I don't know that Eric is a swear for some. OK. Far too many.

Now that we've decided to play hooky together tomorrow. that danger is slowly slipping away. So that the What that sucked me in was this simple bottle of shampoo. Look at it. Doesn't it look like it's beautiful? As beautiful as complementary plastic can be. And it promises to smell pretty. Look at it. It's called "Geranium."

I shouldn't even need shampoo. I'm bald. But I opened it anyway. And inhaled deeply. And it does, indeed, smell nice. Which is when it hit me. Believe it or not, the ad agency set out to intentionally mislead me! I know. You're just as shocked.

What exactly is this egregious lie I just bought into? That geranium should smell pretty. Look. I worked in a greenhouse for almost ten years. And I can testify to one thing. Geraniums don't smell anywhere close to nice, unless your choice of scent is "Elephant's Ass." Because that's what geraniums smell like. There's no covering up that smell. Not a chance.

So. Long walk around the zoo to get to the snack stand. No surprise. You know me. When it comes to how you are treating him/her/them, you, my friend, smell like a geranium. I know. It takes one to know one. But Please. Check yourself before you wreck yourself. And check me too, before I wreck anyone else. Because the last thing that Jesus needs is for either of us to falsely advertise. Because the word "Christian" smells a lot like geraniums to a large chunk of our world. And our time is shorter every day

Roses? most of the time what you're smelling is really heavily scented aphid spray. So lean in and inhale and take in the toxins at your own convenience. But make sure to sign up for the next class action lawsuit before your fingers fall off. If I were you, I'd consider the lilies. I seem to remember reading that somewhere. Turns out, their scent is actually genuine. And beautiful.

thus spake,

me