Is the person in the mirror getting in your way of doing good?

Dear friend,

I say this with love.

You're incredible. Smart. Talented. Beautiful. Fun. I love being in your orbit. I crave time with you. You're so right about so much. I listen to your passions and your proclamations. You care deeply about people. You're in a moment where things are changing around you and you're concerned about the changes. You look out your windows and see that things could be so much better. All powerful things. And part of what makes you so incredible.

So how do I say this in a way you're going to hear this? You've been around a long time. Let me welcome you to the club. You're officially part of the problem. I know. Those changes weren't your idea. And you see things that need to change in a different direction. But here's the situation: systems people would suggest that somewhere around the three year mark, you're definitely on the inside the organazation or organism. (I'll choose to use those words interchagibly from here on out, because you're a part of things that are part art and part science.) That means, my friend, that the problems, just like the successes, are not theirs. They are ours. I know problems aren't "your thing." But if the problems around you are decreasing your effectiveness and limiting your calling, perhaps they need your attention.

In order to have any ability to affect change, it will be important for others to truly hear you. You know this, and you don't feel heard. You're not going to like this, but I know you're tough enough to take it. Are you speaking in a way that you're going to be heard? A good friend used to always remind me that the man I meet in the mirror is responsible for at least eighty percent of my problems. You can see that? It's always easier to see in someone else than it is in our mirror friend. The same is true of you, sweetheart. I'm sorry if that hurts. But you've been a part of that organism for a lot longer than three years.

All those problems? They belong to you in part, now. And if you really love the organism, or even if you love it's parts, then your heart for change is incredibly important. I'm not suggesting that you give up or turn a blind eye. Just that you've got the opportunity to speak in a way that's going to be heard. And that if you want change-- real change, that change is dependent not just on speaking, but on being heard. Shouting in the wind isn't going to get anything accomplished. You've found your voice, and it's beautiful. Do you know what will make your voice carry in the room? Humilty. Service. Submission. Not because you have to lay down. But because you choose it. I don't say this lightly. Remember I'm an Arrogant A-hole in recovery, and I fall off the wagon often.

Also, consider that intentional silence in the moment may be the best opportunity for a conversation later. My advice? Get a blog. Write it in a letter. Circle back. Or don't. Maybe it will be important, or maybe it was just the heat of a moment. But perspecitve is everything. Don't get trapped by the person you meet in the mirror. Smile, adjust, and go on. You're going to need to get out the door early. That place is a hot mess. Just like you and me....

thus spake

me