Maybe Ursula didn't have it all wrong

Dear Friend,

OK. I can listen. I can commiserate.  But sweetheart,  you're better than that. What's the lesson we learned from Lindsay Lohan OK. Not that lesson. Or that lesson. Yes. That lesson. Where you place your focus MATTERS. What happens when Cady stares obsessively at the mean girl and can't stop thinking about how mean she is and talking about how mean she is? A horribly inappropriate, but incredibly memorable version on Jingle Bell Rock.

I love you. So much. And that's why what I'm saying to you right now you might not want to hear. Just wondering.  Ever thought of your boss as a victim? Doesn't excuse her actions. Certainly doesn't make them OK. But you know the drill, right? The abused abuse.

Want to know what I taught 12 year old Rose Quartz? Stare right into the mean girl's eyes so hard she actually fears you are Ursula about to steal her little mermaid soul. But don't collect right yet.  Take a breath. Count to four. Maybe even eleven. Because at that point, she'll have to think about untying her shoes to keep count. And imagine her at her weakest possible moment.  You're a smart girl. You don't have to be a fortune teller. No need to run out and buy a crystal ball. You know statistics.  Run the numbers and take a guess.  Or, in your case, imagine her as the young law clerk walking away from a seat on Judge Harvey Weinstein's casting couch. Just don't entertain too much ick.

Paradigm shift. I bet you thought you were going to be Ariel in this tale, didn't you. And it was going to swing and miss, like so many other tired princess tropes. Well hello. Maybe we do know each other. So Back to your sea cave! Focus. And when you've pictured your mermaid at her worst possible moment,  you, my friend,  have will a choice to make. Either the choice of compassion,  to treat her like you would any other victim,  tough, compassionate love, love with boundaries to be sure, but compassion.  Or, and this too is your choice. Once you have stared deep into her life and seen her weakest possible moment,  you will own her.

As i told 12 year old, and 22 year old Rose Quartz, for that matter. I will tell you the same thing: either way, its a win. Depending on how you define winning.

Sometimes, even when people aren't victims of others, they're victims of their own poor choices. Or living in such a way that they didn't realize that they had other choices. And then, choices become habits. And habits become lifestyles. And lifestyle become staid cement. Sadly, I know what it is like to be your boss.

As you can tell, Ive started referring to my children by other names. You, my girl? Justice League. But what is truly going bring you super hero status (or super heroine status, here take your choice, no agenda on my point, all language choices are problematic), will be the ability to see all people through those beautiful eyes of Mercy and Justice and Compassion. And because I love you so much, I'm willing for you to be mad at me for a bit. Or even a while.

thus spake,

me.