Zone of Control

Dear Friend.

This little bit of brutal honesty I pass on from Rose Quartz. Fair warning. Before you take it, I'd suggest you stop reading and go to the sporting goods store of your choice and buy a protective cup. I did not have such warning. I wish I had. Deep emotional bruising may have occurred.

During one our rambling iterations, the conversation took a very active bend.

"Dad, stand up" I did. and refused to urge to say 'baa" at this point.

"Stick your arms straight out." Again. I complied, after running a hand through my beard. Starting to feel woollier. Definitely need to hit the beard oil again.

"Spin around" Oh. testing for vertigo. I get it now. Step one on the nursing home intake form.

"Dad. You can sit down now. You have just defined the entire sphere of your control. At your best. On a good day. You can't control what's outside the circle. Ever. And most of the time you probably can't even control what's inside the circle.

Wow. Not sure how to come back from that. How do I say. OK, 22. you're right. The prayer I taught you to pray when you were little-- "I can't, God you can, help me to stay close close to you." still stands. 55 hasn't gained any. Not only can't 55 change anything outside the circle, there is very little inside the circle he can actually change. His attitude, perhaps consistently? His focus, may occasionally? His diet? Nah. Let's not over-reach.

If only I could find a God who promised me that where I was weak He would be strong. If only there was a God who promised me that he embraced my weakness because His power was made perfect in my weakness. If only there was a God who allowed my weaknesses to be exposed to the world, and covered in blood, and hung on a cross to dry in the rain. If only I could find that God. That friend, is a God I would follow. In death and in life.

thus spake,

me.